My Next Challenge

So I am in Iquitos for two days to resupply on things I need, and pull out some money for the next month. The next group does not begin until September 6th, and since I will have all this down time in the jungle, Luco and I decided I would spend eight of those days on a Sanango diet. This diet will be extremely physical and is not for the faint of heart. Any pains I have had in the past will return, my central nervous system will be recharged, and the energy in my body will shift. If thats not bad enough, for the entire eight days I have to be in complete isolation. I can not talk to anyone, use the internet, watch movies, eat salt, sugar, spices, or oil, and I am not allowed to use any soaps, deadorants, bug sprays, and toothpaste. In spite of the many turn offs, I feel that smelling bad, and enduring a week of feeling like crap is worthy trade off for an incredible streangth that will stay with me for life, and the synergy it will have with Ayahuasca. I plan to post my experiences on Friday, September 4th (my birthday!) when I get to break my fast and return to normal living conditions.

One Love

Ceremony # 6

We were orinally only supposed to be having five Ayahuasca ceremonies for every nine day session and Monday was supposed to be our day off, but of course I had to try to be funny at breakfast and suggest we do Ayahuasca that evening. Instead of insighting a riot of laughter and being called crazy, everyone thought it would be a great idea so Luco said it would be no problem at all. However, Luco had one condition; that we all go into the ceremony with the intention of bringing our families closer together. Since I love my family greatly, I put in an emmence amount of focus into pulling my family together with all the love my heart could muster. Eventually, my focus transcended the sheer thought of my family coming together and into a sort of trance where we became one semi transparent entity that shared a heart. In spite of my meditative state, nasua overcame me and since I could not plea for mercy to the Ayahuasca (because Ayahuasca only answers to the heart and in my heart I did not truly want it to end since it I knew it was good for me) so I could only turn to my family for the strenght and support to make it through the night. It was extremely consoling and heart-warming to know that we always have our family (and our best friends who are like family) who never pass judgment, never stop loving you, and will always put your welfare above their own. I find that the love of friends and family is one of the greatest forces in the universe and creates a bond that no worldy pressures can break.

Ceremony # 5

My fifth ceremony was extremely physical. As Luco conducted the Icaros and the Ayahuasca began to take effect, a glowing red jelly fish type creature hovered above me and attached its many tentacles to my body. It slowly scanned my body with a beam of light, starting from my feet and ending at my head. The best comparison I could make is to that of a laser gun they use at department stores to scan barcodes. Anyways, as this jelly fish scanned my body I could feel every pore of my body emmiting light and becoming completely rejuvinated. The greatest effects took place around my intestines. I could feel energy blockages bursting open and allowing energy to channel through places that I had no idea where dormant. As many of you know, I have been on some crazy diets in my day, and I am sure that they caused a lot of disharmony in that region of my body. Now it feels as if my metabolism has been reset and when I eat I have a greater awareness as to how food affects both my physical self and my mind. I can literally feel how different foods excite or dull my mind, and if my cells are getting what they truly desire. In addition, my hand became extremely hot during ceremony, and when I asked Luco why this was happening he said that I was pulling energy from others in the room, and to take that oppurtunity to apply my hands to cold areas of my body to bring them alive and pull out the cold energy. Like last ceremony, I again found that my mind kept drifting towards very trivial thoughts and concerns, but this time something amazing happend! I was catapulted upwards from the ground floor where I was to some sort of higher plane that was full of light. The Ayahuasca was helping me to return to a higher thought process that is hard to translate into words. Even if I tried, I could not think about cultural pursuits such as the accumulation of material wealth, or even anything pertaining to the individual. I now shared a conciousness with everything and everyone. Therefore all I could do was think of love and anything that propelled the universe forward. Eventually what goes up must come down, and I returned to a more grounded state where I asked the Ayahuasca to help me realize what career I am destined for. It showed me standing on a mountain at the base of a trail. I have interpreted this in two differnent ways. The first would be that I am to be some sort of treking guide, and the second would be that I am to lead someone or some people along some path to a place I am not yet able to construe. Notwithstanding, I am joyful about this materialization, and eager to see what evolves into.

Ceremony #4

Last night I decided to switch up the routine a little bit and I asked Luco to pour me 3/4 of the glass full of Ayahuasca (he ended up pouring even more than that) which was 2-3 times the amount almost everyone else was taking. It was a very stranger ceremony for a number of reasons. Number one being that for some reason it was incredibly hard to focus, and I found my mind wandering to some very weird places. I even found myself so spaced out I forgot I had taken Ayahuasca. I began getting frustrated because I desperately wanted to focus on my visions so I could do as much as I could for the process, but it just was not in the cards for me last night. This, I think, brings up a very good point about how in western thought we are always seeking some end result or quantifiable progession in whatever task we undertake. However, with Ayahuasca I learned that there is no end point. This journey never ends, and it is something that requires diligence and the highest degree of patience. Overall I was slightly releived that I could not focus and that I did not know where the energy I was purging was coming from. It gave me the chance to not have to think to much, let the medicine take its course, and to just "enjoy the show." One vision I was able to absorb and digest for the next 8 hours of my sleepless state was one where I was looking at myself and suddenly something zipped in from out of nowhere and tore my head off. This sounds much more violent and grousome than what really happend. A better picture would be to just imagine my head disapeared from the space it occupied. After this happend I pondered what this meant in regard to myself and how I should lead my life. It all became clear when the vision I was having zoomed away from my headless self and showed me that the heart was there to lead me and not my mind. Although it seems cliche, I think this is a very important observation because no matter how many times you hear the phrase "follow your heart," we rarely heed those words. If I look back on my own life I know that it is my mind and logic that hold supremecy over my actions, while the heart is just a lonely servant . This simply can and should not be. Our heart holds only truth, it never lies. The mind however, can play tricks on you, and work with your ego to convince you that the lie you are living is in fact truth. Think about it... do all the accounting majors in college do it because they love accounting and their little hearts will not rest until they can memorize all the GAAP(generaly accepted acounting principles)? Yes, some really do enjoy accounting, but the majority are in it because they are following what their mind is telling them, which is that they will get a good job and in turn have financial security. The point I am trying to make is that I and anyone who whishes to take my advice should stop being so risk averse and really live. Otherwise your heart will never be fulfilled and you wil never reach the level of comfort and happyness that you were born to. It reminds me of a quote that I once heard:

"Peoples greatest fear is not death, it is to risk being alive"

Ceremony #3

Last nights ceremony was far more gentle than the two I experienced before. Everything was in slow motion and incredibly serene. No nausea overtook me this time so I had much more time to focus on my visions and important life questions I am seeking answers to. As time went on however, I realised this ceremony was not going to be easy street. In the absence of intense physical discomfort was a never ending night of sorrow. At first I could not really figure out where this sadness was coming from, but I knew it was something that had to leave so I surrendered completely to the Ayahuasca and trusted that it knows much more than I do in this divinely orchestrated healing process. After a few hours things started coming to the surface regarding where this energy was coming from. I realised to an extent that I was feeling much of the sadness and pain that I have caused others to feel throughout my life. A few other things became very clear to me that I do not yet feel comfortable divulging to the general public, but I hope as I let go of those issues I will share them all with you. Later on a giant clock apeared and then shattered to show me that time does not exist, that it is infinate, and to not let the idea of time to dictate what you do and do not do in this life. To never think thoughts such as "I am to old to start this, I can not go back to school, its to late to do that...blah blah blah." We have numerous lives, and each life is an opportunity to purify your soul and bring yourself back to oneness with everything. It is never to late to act upon anything that you know deep down will make you a happier, healthier, and better person. We must remember that the world has no seperate parts, that it is one system, and that we are all connected. By hurting any member or part of the world, you are hurting yourself and everyone else. By helping yourself and living truthfully to your true inner self, you are helping all things achieve happyness, and an end to suffering. We are lead to believe that we are lacking in areas of our lives, and we blame ourselves an others for not meeting the expectations we set for ourselves. This my friends is living a lie. We are all born perfect, grow up perfect, and end our lives perfect.

Ceremony #2

The second ceremony was absolutely life changing. The visions I experienced were extremely intense, even scary at times. It was definitely a night of purging and a variety of emotions. I do not know if I have already gone over this but with Ayahuasca you feel everything you are purging. For example; when you purge fears that you have it is very very scary, when you are purging mind chatter you are stuck in endless thought spirals, and when you purge any sadness you are very sad. Nonetheless, I welcomed these waves of emotions because after suffering through each part of the purging process, the joy you feel is unmeasurable. Think of it this way... take all the pleasures you can imagine in this world such as fame, money, 19 supermodel girlfriends, being loved by everyone, etc. and all these combined would only be a drop of water in the ocean of joy I was swimming in. They call Ayahuasca the vine of the dead for a reason. This is because I truly died and was reborn as the darkness left me and I became light. After my rebirth I flew all around the world visiting family and friends and showered them with the infinite love and light energy that we all have within us. I then poured it all over the earth and watched as our planet was enveloped by a red glow. Another part of the ceremony that was very special for me was when a little girl spirit flew over next to me and kissed me on the cheek. It gave me the greatest sense of comfort, love , and protection that I have ever felt. It was the feeling that no matter what I face in life, mighty forces will come to my aid. The last thing I want to tell you guys about is what the spirit world is like. Basically its a huge party. Nothing exists there except light, beauty, and love. All the spirits were smiling towards me, giving me a "thumbs up," and even bowing back to me after I bowed to them. Even when things got tough, they were always there to give me breaks from suffering to remind me of their gentle, and compassionate nature, and to show me there was light (no pun intended) at the end of the tunnel.

Ceremony numero uno!!!!

So, I had no idea what to expect for my first experience with Ayahuasca, but I was very excited. We entered the ceremony room at 10 pm and picked out our respective places that we wanted to sit or lie down. I sat directly across from Luco(the shaman) who had all these different healing stones and crystals laid out on a mat in front of him. Before we drank the Ayahuasca he made a cross on each of our foreheads with some sort of oily fragrance. I do not know the exact reason for this, but I believe it was to protect us and help open our third eye chakra. Anyways, now to the exciting part. He poured about half a shot glass full of Ayahuasca, blessed it with tobacco smoke, and handed it to me to gulp down. Wow, it did not taste good. It tastes like battery acid mixed with saw dust. So after we all drank the medicine, Luco began the icaros ( a sacred song shamans sing) and I waited for the effects to kick in. After about 30 minutes the visions apeared. All around me were eyes flying passed me and coming together into one all seeing eye surrounded in neon green light. I cant even describe the word for what I felt. It was so powerful, humbling, mysterious, and comforting all at the same time. I was glad to finally see what I have felt all along... that a supreme godhead exists (which we are all part of) and is watching over our indivbidual selves that have descended from one consciousness. I also tons of beuatiul patterns, and followed a wave of energy as it created the cosmos. However, while I began experiencing the visions I felt extremely nausious as dark energy wanted to be purged from my body. So as much as I wanted to focus on some important questions, Mother Ayahuasca kept bringing the focus back to me and my suffering. The point of showing me lying there in terrible discomfort was to teach me to be less selfish, and that true happiness comes from serving others. Instead of letting me escape into the visions, she basically said "you always think about yourself, well now you can think about the pain you are in, and that pain only for the hours to come." So I suffered and begged for the dark energy to leave and for myself to become the light. Finally I purged a lot of dark energy through vomiting. It felt amazing to get the energy out that my body was fighting so hard to keep inside. I could feel the Ayahuasca cleaning every part of my being of all the locked up fears, emotions, and crossed energies. By this time my visions had came to a halt and a laid there in deep contemplation and sheer bliss until I feel asleep at about 5am. It was a great night, and a great feeling to know that I had 29 more Ayahuasca ceremonies to go until I reach my new self!

Love you all!

8/17/09: The calm before the storm :)

I tried to sleep in but the rooster decided that it would be a good idea to crow all morning, so I got up and hung around waiting for the others to rise. Luckily, Luco was awake and he took me on a walk down to the river where we will be cleansing ourselves every morning at 6am after ceremony to clear the purged energy that is left on our skin from the night before. When we returned everyone was finally awake so we had our breakfast and prepared to depart down river and deep into the jungle to collect the plants going into the Ayahuasca and the ones we will be dieting with. It is so intresting to see how every plant has some sort of healing power. Luco took us around and taught us about the numersoun plants we were collecting. One highlight was when we got to feel the energy of the Ayauma tree with our hands, and bless the Ayauma tree with tobacco smoke before we took part of it. The Ayauma tree as Luco explained it, contains the spirit of a giant with no head so it has no thought, but it has an eye and a heart. We will be putting this in our tea to enhance the healing properties of the Ayahuasca. We also collected Punga Negra, Punga Blanca, and Punga Amaria, which contains the spirit of the Anaconda so that it can join us during the ceremonies. Walking through the Jungle was epic. The trees around us were thousands of years old and hundreds of feet tall. In addition, parts of the jungle becamse do dense that we had to use machetes to get through. After we returned, we had lunch and lounged around for three to four hours. At 6:30 Luco gave us a tea made with the plants we collected earlier to protect us and enhance our experience with the Ayayahuasca.

8/16/09: In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.

.So I finally got a full nights sleep, which I desperately needed, and got some breakfast next door to the hostal with Phoebe. After we finished eating we packed up the van, took Taylor the ATM machine, and we were off to Nauta where we would switch over to a speedboat. The road to Nauta stretches 100km and took us about one and half hours to traverse. It was a beautifully scenic road trip. We got to see our first glimpse of the jungle that surrounds Iquitos, a diverse collection of flora, and bird. There were also some sombering moments as we drove past scenese of poverty that made Iquiitos look like Beverly Hills. It was also sad to see parts of the forest destroyed from illegal logging, but with such poverty, people have to do what they can to survive. When we arrived in the port village of Nauta I used the restroom, bought some water, and loaded up Lucos boat. The boat ride travelled up the Maranon River, into the Amazon River, and finally down the Ucuyalli River. The entire four hour journey I was in a trance. I could not beleive I was in a place I thought I would only ever see on "Planet Earth." A place where all things abundant converge to create the worlds greatest resource. I was told Pink Dolphins were native to the Amazon, but I had never expected to see any! They are incredible! They swam in large groups at speeds faster than our boat, and of course, they were super pink. So finally we reached Jenaro Herrera and I got situated with what will be my home for the next three months. The house has a seperate room for each of us, a common area, a kitchen, and of course the CEREMONY HOUSE!!! There is also a seperate apprentice house that is almost complete, and which I will be moving into. Finally we ate dinner, and then after taking our left overs around the village to feed the starving dogs, I passed out... even with the knowledge of the looming ceremony on Monday. Again. I apolgize for not putting up the pictures. I will put them up soon!

Iquitos

So I am going to keep this short since I have slept only one hour in the last two days. I arrived in Iquitos this morning. It´s very hard to describe the feeling that came over me. It´s a very strange feeling to arrive on a 21st century aircraft in a country where you feel as if you have gone back in time. As I left the airport on my mototaxi, I was immedietly surrounded by extreme poverty. It was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. To go from the affluent Bay Area to a place where starving children come up to your table when you are eating to ask for any scraps of food you may have, is simply and undescribable emotion. Yet among all the poverty and suffering, the energy in Iquitos is incredible. I feel incredibly present and grounded while I am here. In this hot swealtering jungle city, it is clear to me that the people with nothing seem to have found something that those with plenty can not. All around me are smiling faces, helping hands, and open doors. Greed is non existent. When I tried to give my taxi driver a one dollar tip for the 8 mile taxi ride from the airport he looked at me with disgust that I would even try to give him more than what was expected for such a ride. I am still a little all over the place, and I´m sorry if my thoughts are unclear or rambling, but something about this city has struck a cord very deep within my heart. Anyways, later this evening I went out to dinner with my shaman. I have never met a man so laid back yet so completely aware. As I sat and chatted with him I felt that he already knew everything about me, my past lives, and my unescapable future. He told me and the others partaking on this journey with me that, ¨this next ayahuasca session will be a big one.¨ I can´t even begin to explain the dynamic of the group as we heard these words. What was originally a dinner full of fun and laughter immediately turned to silent contemplation of what is to come, and he wanted it this way. Later he walked us back to our hostal and as we said goodbye he embraced me with a hug that communicated more than I can comprehend at this moment. All I know is that the fleeting moment of that embrace gave me the determination, courage, and clarity to enter my first ayahuasca session on Monday evening. I´m sorry I couldn´t post any pictures of Iquitos, as my camera is back at the hostal, but I will put some up shortly. Love you all from the botom of my heart.

-Paul

Day 1

Die Hard 4: Live Free or Die Hard is the worst movie ever. Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. Anyways. I have finally landed in Lima, Peru, and the persperation party has begun. I have never been in a place more humid in my life. None the less, I am stoked to be here. This place is incredible, and I have only seen the airport. Everyone and there mother are raging, women are singing, and the crazy Christian volunteer group is sitting infront of the Dunk n Donuts praying. The trip over here was a great time as well. I met this Peruvian guy named Walter ( I know, that doesn´t sound very Peruvian) at the Marina Bar at LAX while waiting for my flight to board and one thing let to another, and we were partying. When it came time to board, Walter arranged it so that we could sit next to eachother on the flight, which made the flight extremely enjoyable. Apart from ordering whiskey every five minutes, Walter gave me plenty of good advice regarding my travel to Iquitos and the Amazon Jungle. Everything from finding a taxi, to how to avoid getting my kidney stolen and soled on the black market, to how much money you have to pay for protection in prison if I ever get arrested (the guy would not stop talking about the mafia) was covered in our 8 hour flight. He thinks I am the craziest gringo in the world for coming out here alone, and especially crazy for going into the jungle alone. He has actually been the village I am going to and was able to paint a better picture for me as to what I will be facing. Not only that, he has also taken Ayahuasca and reassured me that it will change my life. When we landed he was even nice enough to help me navigate through immigration. It was pretty funny, the immigration officer gave me a 120 day visa, but only gave Walter (a Peruvian citizen) a 20 day visa. Anyways, the point I was trying to make was that it´s amazing where and when people will pop up into your life to help you along on your journey. It is true that when we whole heartedly work to acheive something, the universe consipires to help us.

Walter and his brother! Walter and I outside the airport!

Ready to go!

So I have finally received all the necessary vaccinations and prescriptions needed for my travel into the Peruvian jungle! I was very surprised to find out how many vaccines I needed, as well as the amount of dangerous viruses I can potentially contract during my stay. Some of the lovely illnesses awaiting me include; Yellow Fever, Typhoid Fever, Hepatitis, Rabies, Dengue Fever, and many more. However, I feel confident that the Ayahuasca and my use of common sense will keep me safe in this regard. I still have to treat my clothing with Permethrin so insects don't eat me alive, but other than that, I'm packed and ready to go. I can already tell that the next nine days leading up to my departure are going to take an eternity. In the meantime I am going to brush up on my Spanish language skills, and shop around for some gifts to give to the people of Jenaro Herrera. I would be lying if I wasn't a little nervous, but I am eager to start this new chapter of my life.